29 And Aging Like Wine

In March I turned the tender age of 29! It wasn’t the most exciting day but has made me reflective of where I am.As I am aging, I find it crucial for me to acknowledge how I am feeling. I am a sensitive person. I feel things immensely. It has taken me 29 years to accept this characteristic of mine because it makes me feel weak. It doesn’t take much to hurt me emotionally. Words are the weapon that will bring my demise. I have become more reserved and guarded for my own sake.

I don’t need to hide who I am but I have a right to privacy. I call this setting boundaries. I can be transparent and overshare because I enjoy connecting with people.

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Who I thought I was is dying so that who I am can be birthed. I was someone who was hard working and career motivated. I chased having a career and money as a safety net. Welp… fast forward to me now as a stay at home mom with no residual income. My identity feels out of place. Where God is leading me is not where I originally was headed. I know God has made my family my ministry. It does not include a fancy paycheck, time in the spotlight, or any special recognition. This has been an extremely humbling process for me. To learn how to love my kids and husband has been an exciting challenge.

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When you choose to walk in the will of God expect a change of route. I’m certain where you headed will change once He plugs in your coordinates.

I’m learning the difference between God’s rest and my laziness. As believers we have been called to lay our burdens on Christ. We no longer strive by our own power but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Last year, I felt convicted to rest more in God.

This year, I realize that I use God’s rest as a mode of laziness. I excuse myself of house chores because I’m tired and “resting” in the Lord.  This usually leads to me feeling overwhelmed with my long list of things to do because I am not being wise with my time management. I know I am not resting in God when I feel anxious and short on time. He is showing me the power of having discipline and reaping the fruit of my labor.

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Finally, I love to laugh. Laughter has meant more to me within these last few years than ever before. To enjoy a belly aching laugh. You have to understand heartache and pain. I have found myself desiring laughter at my lowest. It helps me to push through when I feel like giving up.

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My prayer is that I become more righteous before the eyes of God. I desire to be a faithful servant so that as I call out to Him, I may be heard. I want that “well done” stamp more than anything.

May you live a fulfilled and thoughtful existence. May all that you do not be in vain.

Lots of love,

Liz

Can I Get A Refill?

The beginning of this month was rough. My husband’s traveling schedule increased so Mommy duty was wearing me out. With two young boys and a child on the way I know that my energy is limited and it’s FRUSTRATING!! I want to be super mom🤦🏾‍♀️. (Insert picture of me in a cape that is blowing freely in the wind).But as Lisa Nichols said “you can’t feed others from an empty saucer”(Her quote was more elegantly written). I was running on empty and not getting enough physical, spiritual and emotional rest. 

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I know when I reach this low state I have drifted far away from God. So I crawled back into His presence… very slowly and I cried. I used every word I could think of to explain this lowly state I was feeling and when I ran out of words I grunted and screamed.

And the Lord answered me. I need to be still and accept where I am. Resting season isn’t over for me. He is trying to fill me up with fruit of the Holy Spirit and His wisdom. He reminded me that I have a network of people around me whom I can access in times of need. I am not alone.

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Resting is NOT a word that does brings me immediate relief. I don’t feel like I’m doing enough if I’m not overworked and burnt out. Imagine a well that is running low on water. It has little use for its thirsty seekers if all they can draw out is mud. I’ve been feeding my kids and my husband mud. Mud was displayed through my short temper and lack of patience. It’s not an easy clean up but I’m allowing God to fill me up again so I can wash out the mud that is covering my family. It is then that I can truly be successful in my role.

“Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table.”

Psalms 128:3 NASB

I encourage you all to find comfort in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Be slow and intentional so that when God cues us to rest we can do so eagerly. With rest comes the pouring of his Spirit, filling in the cracks and healing the bruises we have sustained along the narrow path. Stay thirsty my friends so that you too can get a refill.

Sb:// Totally not judging you if the Erica Varner song or Dos Equis Ad popped into your head. 😁

✌🏾❤️

I Surrender

Happy New Year! Hello 2019 and what you have in store for me. In my last post, I shared how broken I was feeling. I have been feeling like a failure. It just seemed that everything I set out to accomplish has crumbled before my fingertips. During the time of my last post, I transitioned from working full time to being a stay at home mother to my two beautiful boys. This transition forced  me to post pone my internship for school.

The idea of staying home with my children is not a glamorous one. My vision of a boss woman is someone who works 9-5 and brings home the bacon  or kale for my plant lovers. I felt that if I wasn’t working then I was not being a good wife and a powerful woman.

Oh the lies the enemy tries to plant in my head.

This is why I must remind myself of Psalms 1. I am a tree planted by streams of water that bears fruit in season and my leaves will never wither as long as I am under the guidance of God.

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So you may be thinking, Liz… Why are you sad? Because you don’t have to work? Because you have to stay home with the kids? I have seen that being home with the boys is the best blessing, I could have. My relationship with them is strengthening and I am learning how to love them. So no,that’s not the real issue.

The issue was how I defined success. It was apart from God and involved me hustling and grinding all by myself. All that “hardwork” brought me to my knees…literallly. I was exhausted and not paying my first ministry aka my family any mind.

I have been and still am on this long journey of self discovery and let me be honest. IT SUCKS!!!! I’ve been asking God to reveal to me what my next career path is and INSTEAD, he’s been revealing to me personal things I need to work on. He’s been showing me mindsets that have stifled my faith walk. I have done many fasts requesting direction with this program I am in for school but God is choosing to work on my heart.

Faith means I have to trust that in my obedience he will align everything perfectly so that I can reap what he has in store for me. I have to trust that by working on the things He is pointing out then, He will take care of everything else.

The theme for this year is “I Surrender”. Every time I feel anxiety I say “I surrender xyz” and wipe my hands clean. I’ve become hungry to hear God,thirsty for his blessings and plans for my life to pour over me and overflow in my cup. I no longer want to live the life I created for myself. Its trash and has led me to live an anxiety provoked, stubborn, selfish, flesh led lifestyle and I am tired y’all.

With baby #3 en route **SURPRISE**, I want a different approach on how I manage my roles as first a woman of God, a wife and a mother. Everything else must be left into the hands of God. It is hard, but I feel His peace and joy when I choose to focus on my children and give them the attention they need rather than stress out on how can I become successful.

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This hunger and thirst to know God has led me on a quest for wisdom.  I’ve been convicted that as I am on this journey of seeking God’s wisdom I must share what I learn, because the wisdom of God is not meant to be stored up in a cookie jar at the top of the fridge for my own indulgence. I must share wisdom because it is part of my journey as a believer in Jesus Christ. I am called to be a light in a dark place through my transparency.

This means I must be more diligent on this blog (Sorry yall…I’m working on consistency) and leaning not on my own understanding.

Cheers to seeking first the kingdom of God.

May his joy, peace, and grace overwhelm every area of your life.

Liz

Speak Over Yourself

The following post in an edited excerpt from one of my journal entries.

I have shed many tears yet these flowers will not bloom. I am bruised from trying to live how others would want.

This is where I am. No where glamorous. Just trying to put the pieces together while holding onto the promises God whispered in my ear.

Inspite of what I FEEL, I must resort to what I know. I know that the Lord is with me at all times and that he will restore me.

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I know that I was created to surpass the limitations around me and to keep pushing. There is joy, peace, and abundant life on the other side of this Liz so keep up the good fight.

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Rewriting My Story

I wish I could blame the time lapse on baby #2. I have enough excuses to justify my long absence. I’m now a momma of two, working full time and in school. I have reached another level of exhaustion and cannot seem to catch up on my sleep. 

Truth is I’ve been scared as heck to write.I’ve been avoiding this blog because within the last six months I’ve felt every emotion named and I’ve had many meltdowns. I have been afraid of being vulnerable in this season. 

The older I become, the more I realize what parts of Liz are true and what parts of myself have been created to appease others. The layers of fake-ness are slowly peeling off and I don’t want people to see the Liz I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to be judged or criticized for things that make me unique.

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I was not created to live in fear of people.

I’m rewriting my story and it starts like this…

 I am strong.

I am fearless.

Why Do I Write?

2017 was the year I learned the value of rest. I was overwhelming myself with a laundry list of tasks I thought I needed to do in order to be a good wife and mother. While attempting to “rest” ( not an easy task for a busy body like myself), I realized that I lost touch with  who I am. I stopped dating myself. I no longer asked myself what I enjoyed doing. I didn’t treat myself to things that made me happy. I thought it was noble to sacrifice myself for the sake of my son and husband but it made me an angry mother and a bitter wife.

This year, my focus is on who I am and what I am called to be. Once I realized that being a mother and wife are titles with responsibilities, I found myself staring at a woman I barely knew. If I am not renewed (Romans 12vs 1-2) and anchored in the Lord (Eph 6 vs 10) than I am incapable of completing my assignments on earth.

“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:17-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I desire to know God more so I can know who I was created to be. As I venture on this journey I will be writing. Mostly in my journal but also on this blog. I want to inspire other woman through my flaws and mistakes. I am not perfect alone. But through Christ I can kick butt. (Phil. 4 vs 13)

 

Here’s to a journey of self-discovery 🥂

Changes

Hello everyone! It has been awhile since  my last post. I am in the midst of some big changes. I am enrolled in a Masters Program for Counseling. I am also pregnant with my second child! My husband and I are so excited to expand our family and I can’t wait to meet our baby boy.

This pregnancy is a lot tougher than my first one. My energy,patience and temper have been tested in all types of ways. Pregnancy sheds light on all my flaws. It heightens my inability to be patient, and highlights my issues with anger.

Truth is I have been feeling drained and exhausted. I have so many ideas for posts I want to share with you all but I allowed myself to be overwhelmed and not in peace.

Did you know that peace is a choice? It comes with the package of trusting God. I’ve been letting peace slip through my hands rather than clenching it tight.

I’m striving towards God’s rest. I believe all things work for the good of those who wait.  It is in these moments that I’ve sought God and made it a point to meditate on the word.  His words have wiped away tears and reassured me that my faith will result in a harvest.

Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Keep pushing through these tests! The Lord is near.

Love you all for sticking by me😘