In March I turned the tender age of 29! It wasn’t the most exciting day but has made me reflective of where I am.As I am aging, I find it crucial for me to acknowledge how I am feeling. I am a sensitive person. I feel things immensely. It has taken me 29 years to accept this characteristic of mine because it makes me feel weak. It doesn’t take much to hurt me emotionally. Words are the weapon that will bring my demise. I have become more reserved and guarded for my own sake.
I don’t need to hide who I am but I have a right to privacy. I call this setting boundaries. I can be transparent and overshare because I enjoy connecting with people.
Who I thought I was is dying so that who I am can be birthed. I was someone who was hard working and career motivated. I chased having a career and money as a safety net. Welp… fast forward to me now as a stay at home mom with no residual income. My identity feels out of place. Where God is leading me is not where I originally was headed. I know God has made my family my ministry. It does not include a fancy paycheck, time in the spotlight, or any special recognition. This has been an extremely humbling process for me. To learn how to love my kids and husband has been an exciting challenge.
When you choose to walk in the will of God expect a change of route. I’m certain where you headed will change once He plugs in your coordinates.
I’m learning the difference between God’s rest and my laziness. As believers we have been called to lay our burdens on Christ. We no longer strive by our own power but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Last year, I felt convicted to rest more in God.
This year, I realize that I use God’s rest as a mode of laziness. I excuse myself of house chores because I’m tired and “resting” in the Lord. This usually leads to me feeling overwhelmed with my long list of things to do because I am not being wise with my time management. I know I am not resting in God when I feel anxious and short on time. He is showing me the power of having discipline and reaping the fruit of my labor.
Finally, I love to laugh. Laughter has meant more to me within these last few years than ever before. To enjoy a belly aching laugh. You have to understand heartache and pain. I have found myself desiring laughter at my lowest. It helps me to push through when I feel like giving up.
My prayer is that I become more righteous before the eyes of God. I desire to be a faithful servant so that as I call out to Him, I may be heard. I want that “well done” stamp more than anything.
May you live a fulfilled and thoughtful existence. May all that you do not be in vain.
Lots of love,