Rewriting My Story

I wish I could blame the time lapse on baby #2. I have enough excuses to justify my long absence. I’m now a momma of two, working full time and in school. I have reached another level of exhaustion and cannot seem to catch up on my sleep. 

Truth is I’ve been scared as heck to write.I’ve been avoiding this blog because within the last six months I’ve felt every emotion named and I’ve had many meltdowns. I have been afraid of being vulnerable in this season. 

The older I become, the more I realize what parts of Liz are true and what parts of myself have been created to appease others. The layers of fake-ness are slowly peeling off and I don’t want people to see the Liz I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to be judged or criticized for things that make me unique.

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I was not created to live in fear of people.

I’m rewriting my story and it starts like this…

 I am strong.

I am fearless.

Why Do I Write?

2017 was the year I learned the value of rest. I was overwhelming myself with a laundry list of tasks I thought I needed to do in order to be a good wife and mother. While attempting to “rest” ( not an easy task for a busy body like myself), I realized that I lost touch with  who I am. I stopped dating myself. I no longer asked myself what I enjoyed doing. I didn’t treat myself to things that made me happy. I thought it was noble to sacrifice myself for the sake of my son and husband but it made me an angry mother and a bitter wife.

This year, my focus is on who I am and what I am called to be. Once I realized that being a mother and wife are titles with responsibilities, I found myself staring at a woman I barely knew. If I am not renewed (Romans 12vs 1-2) and anchored in the Lord (Eph 6 vs 10) than I am incapable of completing my assignments on earth.

“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:17-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I desire to know God more so I can know who I was created to be. As I venture on this journey I will be writing. Mostly in my journal but also on this blog. I want to inspire other woman through my flaws and mistakes. I am not perfect alone. But through Christ I can kick butt. (Phil. 4 vs 13)

 

Here’s to a journey of self-discovery 🥂

Changes

Hello everyone! It has been awhile since  my last post. I am in the midst of some big changes. I am enrolled in a Masters Program for Counseling. I am also pregnant with my second child! My husband and I are so excited to expand our family and I can’t wait to meet our baby boy.

This pregnancy is a lot tougher than my first one. My energy,patience and temper have been tested in all types of ways. Pregnancy sheds light on all my flaws. It heightens my inability to be patient, and highlights my issues with anger.

Truth is I have been feeling drained and exhausted. I have so many ideas for posts I want to share with you all but I allowed myself to be overwhelmed and not in peace.

Did you know that peace is a choice? It comes with the package of trusting God. I’ve been letting peace slip through my hands rather than clenching it tight.

I’m striving towards God’s rest. I believe all things work for the good of those who wait.  It is in these moments that I’ve sought God and made it a point to meditate on the word.  His words have wiped away tears and reassured me that my faith will result in a harvest.

Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Keep pushing through these tests! The Lord is near.

Love you all for sticking by me😘

 

Do You Remember the Time?

If your around my age or older, I wouldn’t be surprised  if Michael Jackson popped in your head after seeing the title. Lol. These past two weeks I’ve been diving into the book of Joshua and I have camped around chapter 4. In this chapter  God is getting ready to bring the Israelites across the Jordan river so that they can take refuge in the Promise Land. I urge you to read chapter 4 and all of Joshua when you have a chance. The purpose of this post is to focus on an order God gave Joshua for the Israelites. He ordered them to remember.

“and Joshua said to them, “Cross again to the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan, and each of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Israel. Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ then you shall say to them, ‘Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.’ So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever.””
‭‭Joshua‬ ‭4:5-7‬ ‭NASB
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 I had to read this chapter a few times before it finally registered to me the significance of the memorial. Often times in my walk with Christ, I hit hard times and completely forget His goodness. I cry out “woe is me” and ask why I have been forsaken. If I don’t refocus myself on thoughts that are good (Phil 4 vs 8),  hopelessness will consume me.

I know I haven’t been forsaken, but I want things a certain way and in my timing. But when I look back at the victories in my life, they have all occurred when God was in control. His timing is perfect and I have plenty of proof in my life to validate that. And it is when I look back to when I was in the valley of the shadow of death, that I remember his staff was totally there. Joy did arrive in the morning. My old battles are now songs of victories. These are memorials I must hold on to when I’m prepared to cross the Jordan river. What’s dope about God is that he divided the Jordan so that the Israelites crossed on dry land.

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Every time I have been through the valley I always come out stronger, maybe a little sweaty but unharmed. I hate to admit this but our trips into the valley will be constant in our walk with God. Valleys are in between hills. This means as we reach one hill aka “victory”, we gotta go through another valley to get to our next victory. But as we build memorials for each victory, we have something to hold on to and provide us strength as carry on until we reach our final destination. Eternal life.

I am in the valley right now and I’m sure some of y’all are here with me. Let’s find some stones and start building a memorial. Let’s start praising God for what He has done and where He has gotten us. I’d rather be in this valley now than down in the pit of hell later. In valleys there are usually rivers and where there is water, there is life.

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Thank you God for the many victories I have won. Your right hand is over me and over anyone reading this. I praise you because of your goodness. As I look back at the memorials along my path, I remember that you are always by my side. I thank you for what is in store for me and as I walk through this valley I will lean on your rod for comfort.

With peace and joy,

✌🏾Liz

Where have I been?

As I snuggle in bed with tea in my hand, I ponder on where I let the ball slip with this blog. So many things have taken precedence over writing which, for me isn’t good because writing keeps my mind stable. I have been balancing work life, wifely duties, being a momma to a not so little kid and being a student. I need to emphasis I am not a good juggler; so one can see how I could drop the ball trying to balance so much with just two arms.

I’m tired. I’m always tired. Lol.  But I’m so happy. God has been good in the midst of this season. He has been overfilling my cup with joy and reminding me to rest. He has been patient with my stubbornness and revealing areas in my life I need to work on. I’m learning to let go and seeing the fruit of trusting God. He’s so faithful and loving. I’m in awe that He could love such a broken mess.

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I’ve got issues y’all. I’ve got issues loving people. Now let me explain. I love people and enjoy learning about them. But I also have scars from past experiences where I have been hurt by them. People including myself can be finicky. It scares me to rely on people because they do not always live up to our expectations. While trying to deal with old wounds, I am reminded that we are in debt to love. We love inspite of hurt because love is unconditional.  Specifically we are to love our enemies. Loving unconditionally brings freedom from people bondage. We must continue to be Christ like in our actions regardless of how we feel and are treated.

I fail at this daily but I choose freedom. I choose to live by the spirit and bear fruit. I choose joy and peace. I believe the consequences of unconditional love far outweigh the battle wounds you will endure. In the words of Paul keep up the good faith.

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Stay strong my warriors! We have already won the battle. Halllelujah! We have won the victory!

 

A Message From an Ex-People Pleaser

 

Although I identify  as an ex-people pleaser, how others perceive  me still plagues my mind. I wrestle with perfecting myself in the eyes of human beings rather than believing who I am through Jesus Christ.

I have always tried to sound politically correct. My words are dipped in sugar to ensure they don’t ignite controversy. I am drawn to acceptance and can be easily crushed if I find that people  do not approve of me. I marinate for hours on words I fnd offensive. These shackles have been very hard to break free from. It just seems no matter how much I pray and rebuke these thoughts, I still see myself through the lenses of others.

In the midst of this battle, I have stumbled upon these verses.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

  • My struggle is not with people but rather Satan. Satan has made it his mission to undo what God has already established upon my life. He has planted lies into my heart and I have entertained their company.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:14‬ ‭NIV
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  • Even with my flaws, there is greatness within me. God knows me better than anyone else. He has looked at me and said I am good just as I am. I am perfect because Christ is perfect and dwells within me. I should be encouraged to make myself better so that I may be a temple pure and worthy  of the Lord’s presence.

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬”

  • In the midst of struggling with self acceptance God has deemed me perfect and is working towards completing that perfection in me . The more I dive into the word of God, the easier it will become to see myself through Christ. He has overlooked my flaws and chose to die for me while I was deep in sin.

“So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him.”
‭‭John‬ ‭12:10-11‬

  • As a believer of a Jesus Christ, I am an enemy to this world. I will receive retaliation and should expect opposition.

“For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:29‬ ‭NIV

  • Jesus told his disciples that they will suffer on account of him. This world does not care for Jesus because it is ruled by Satan. Satan knows he has lost the battle and wants to bring down as many people as he can. He does not want us to find joy,peace and rest.

Daily I seek the Lord and He has shown himself faithful. I do believe there will be a time when I will pass this test. In the mean time I will sing praises to God and rejoice in my victory. In my weakness the greatness of God is seen!

To God be all the glory!

Being Transparent

“From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

I believe in the power of testimony. It is so important to share our journey with Christ with both believers and non believers. It is our testimony that draws people to God.

There is a greater purpose to my testimony. This is why I started this blog. I know I must share my success and failures with others so that they can learn and be better. It isn’t an easy task for me to do. I’m ashamed to admit but I once was a people  pleaser. I did anything to get away from conflict. I wanted so much for people to like me that I dumbed myself down in public for the entertainment of others.

I believed it was a small price to pay in order to be accepted. I felt worse about myself as I tried to be who I thought was “cool”. This prevented me from knowing myself and now at 26, I feel like I’m just getting to know who I am. As exciting as this new journey has been, I wish it didn’t begin so late.

After I accepted Jesus as my personal savior I had a fire that I couldn’t contain. There was so much I wanted to share. I wanted to be an open book with other Christians because I believe that’s what helps us grow stronger in our faith. I didn’t receive the feedback I expected and for a while I shut myself down. I chose to stop sharing because I thought I was being too transparent.

It wasn’t until God showed me  John 4 that I realized it is my testimony he wants me to share. The woman at the well went to share  the good news of Jesus to anyone she could find.  She even exposed herself, (she was someone who slept with several men), because she found freedom in Christ. God wants us to live in our freedom. He wants us to remove the shackles that prevents us from being real with ourselves and with others.

Yes people will talk about me and not like what I share, but that is a small price to pay for the greater glory of God. I pray whoever reads this may be be blessed and compelled to do the same. Come out from hiding and stand tall as the beautiful creation you are!

God loves you.