Where have I been?

As I snuggle in bed with tea in my hand, I ponder on where I let the ball slip with this blog. So many things have taken precedence over writing which, for me isn’t good because writing keeps my mind stable. I have been balancing work life, wifely duties, being a momma to a not so little kid and being a student. I need to emphasis I am not a good juggler; so one can see how I could drop the ball trying to balance so much with just two arms.

I’m tired. I’m always tired. Lol.  But I’m so happy. God has been good in the midst of this season. He has been overfilling my cup with joy and reminding me to rest. He has been patient with my stubbornness and revealing areas in my life I need to work on. I’m learning to let go and seeing the fruit of trusting God. He’s so faithful and loving. I’m in awe that He could love such a broken mess.

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I’ve got issues y’all. I’ve got issues loving people. Now let me explain. I love people and enjoy learning about them. But I also have scars from past experiences where I have been hurt by them. People including myself can be finicky. It scares me to rely on people because they do not always live up to our expectations. While trying to deal with old wounds, I am reminded that we are in debt to love. We love inspite of hurt because love is unconditional.  Specifically we are to love our enemies. Loving unconditionally brings freedom from people bondage. We must continue to be Christ like in our actions regardless of how we feel and are treated.

I fail at this daily but I choose freedom. I choose to live by the spirit and bear fruit. I choose joy and peace. I believe the consequences of unconditional love far outweigh the battle wounds you will endure. In the words of Paul keep up the good faith.

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Stay strong my warriors! We have already won the battle. Halllelujah! We have won the victory!

 

A Message From an Ex-People Pleaser

 

Although I identify  as an ex-people pleaser, how others perceive  me still plagues my mind. I wrestle with perfecting myself in the eyes of human beings rather than believing who I am through Jesus Christ.

I have always tried to sound politically correct. My words are dipped in sugar to ensure they don’t ignite controversy. I am drawn to acceptance and can be easily crushed if I find that people  do not approve of me. I marinate for hours on words I fnd offensive. These shackles have been very hard to break free from. It just seems no matter how much I pray and rebuke these thoughts, I still see myself through the lenses of others.

In the midst of this battle, I have stumbled upon these verses.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

  • My struggle is not with people but rather Satan. Satan has made it his mission to undo what God has already established upon my life. He has planted lies into my heart and I have entertained their company.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:14‬ ‭NIV
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  • Even with my flaws, there is greatness within me. God knows me better than anyone else. He has looked at me and said I am good just as I am. I am perfect because Christ is perfect and dwells within me. I should be encouraged to make myself better so that I may be a temple pure and worthy  of the Lord’s presence.

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬”

  • In the midst of struggling with self acceptance God has deemed me perfect and is working towards completing that perfection in me . The more I dive into the word of God, the easier it will become to see myself through Christ. He has overlooked my flaws and chose to die for me while I was deep in sin.

“So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him.”
‭‭John‬ ‭12:10-11‬

  • As a believer of a Jesus Christ, I am an enemy to this world. I will receive retaliation and should expect opposition.

“For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:29‬ ‭NIV

  • Jesus told his disciples that they will suffer on account of him. This world does not care for Jesus because it is ruled by Satan. Satan knows he has lost the battle and wants to bring down as many people as he can. He does not want us to find joy,peace and rest.

Daily I seek the Lord and He has shown himself faithful. I do believe there will be a time when I will pass this test. In the mean time I will sing praises to God and rejoice in my victory. In my weakness the greatness of God is seen!

To God be all the glory!

Being Transparent

“From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 

I believe in the power of testimony. It is so important to share our journey with Christ with both believers and non believers. It is our testimony that draws people to God.

There is a greater purpose to my testimony. This is why I started this blog. I know I must share my success and failures with others so that they can learn and be better. It isn’t an easy task for me to do. I’m ashamed to admit but I once was a people  pleaser. I did anything to get away from conflict. I wanted so much for people to like me that I dumbed myself down in public for the entertainment of others.

I believed it was a small price to pay in order to be accepted. I felt worse about myself as I tried to be who I thought was “cool”. This prevented me from knowing myself and now at 26, I feel like I’m just getting to know who I am. As exciting as this new journey has been, I wish it didn’t begin so late.

After I accepted Jesus as my personal savior I had a fire that I couldn’t contain. There was so much I wanted to share. I wanted to be an open book with other Christians because I believe that’s what helps us grow stronger in our faith. I didn’t receive the feedback I expected and for a while I shut myself down. I chose to stop sharing because I thought I was being too transparent.

It wasn’t until God showed me  John 4 that I realized it is my testimony he wants me to share. The woman at the well went to share  the good news of Jesus to anyone she could find.  She even exposed herself, (she was someone who slept with several men), because she found freedom in Christ. God wants us to live in our freedom. He wants us to remove the shackles that prevents us from being real with ourselves and with others.

Yes people will talk about me and not like what I share, but that is a small price to pay for the greater glory of God. I pray whoever reads this may be be blessed and compelled to do the same. Come out from hiding and stand tall as the beautiful creation you are!

God loves you.